I tread lightly but convicted in this following blog, because I can assume some eyebrows will be raised, and rightly so.
I begin by saying this, I'm not a sinner, I'm Catholic.
There is a common saying that we as Catholics have in which we somewhat wallow in self-pity and prematurely and incorrectly judge ourselves. We love to say of ourselves, "I'm a great sinner." People who say this, are in my opinion, blinded by their sin.
To say that we are great sinners, in all grammatical sense, is to make a statement about one's nature, one's character. Is it really in our nature to be sinners? Some will say yes, and I will say no. We are prone to sinfulness, but we are not sinners. Just as a child is prone to falling when learning to walk, he is still learning to walk. It is our nature as homo sapiens to walk upright, not to crawl. We may stumble and fall as we learn, but crawling is not our nature, walking is. So why would we say of ourselves, "yes, I can walk, but it's not what I really feel is proper,"?
You see, the Catholic Church, in her immeasurable knowledge defines sin basically as that which turns us away from God, that which destroys our relationship with Him. To be a sinner then, would mean that our nature is to always turn from God, to always walk away from Him, and sometimes we stray from that path and head towards a path of grace, towards Him. And if we are true to our nature, well then we must sin.
Do we truly want to be known as a person whose nature it is to be in contrast to God and not to be in communion with Him? I dare say that we all answer, "no". But yet, we have no problem calling ourselves "great sinners". Heck, even the great saints of the Church have taken this title of "great sinners", and I say that they may have gotten it wrong on this one.
As the Catechism tells us in her opening paragraph, we are called to seek God. If this then is our nature, written upon our hearts by our Creator, to love and know Him, who are we to say that we are "sinners"? Was not, and is not, pride, at the heart of every sin committed? Are we not being prideful in saying we know which title best describes our nature rather than our very Creator? If anything, that makes us bold. Like Satanesque bold.
So, let's cut that name shall we? Get over yourself and claim what you really are, Catholic. We are a people striving to live for His greater glory and we sometimes fall from Him. Christ didn't have time for self-pity nor did He condemn Himself, on the contrary, He boldly proclaimed what He is. Let us live out our Christian calling and do the same. We are Catholic. If you want to call yourself a "great sinner", then God will grant to you that which you seek, your sinful nature and all that accompanies it.
In God We Trust
Monday, July 4, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
Tiger Blood and Adonis DNA
Throughout life, the good person desires to surround themselves with people that will call them on to be even better people. They need help in relationships, at work, raising kids, dealing with the stresses of life, etc. We, as humans, and more so as adults, are constantly looking for correction and to be told how to act.
I guess that growing up being told what to do, it breeds in us a crutch to have the same thing moving forward. We are told when to study, when to brush our teeth, how to dress, how to act, and the list goes on and on. We, from a young age, are told how to live.
Thus, it's only natural that when life comes knocking we begin to look around for the orders. We turn to our friends, our families, our spiritual directors, our teachers, and so on to be told what to do, and their simple response, "figure it out."
You see, we seem to enjoy being told how to act and what to do. It's easy, everybody likes easy. But to quote a brother "the hard is what makes it great."
So often in my life I find myself looking around for that order (funny enough I'm considering serving our country in the Army, at least today...) and yet we forget to think for ourselves. We forget that somehow we've weathered some tough times alone.
My brotherhood is awesome, I have an army of men willing to call me out whenever they see fit. But you see, what good is that if I cannot call myself out? There is a good rule of thumb leaders must remember, "do not ask your men to do something that you yourself are not willing to do."
Maybe we can learn from this. Maybe it's time that we stop letting other people tell us our faults. Maybe it's time people come to terms with their problems, and instead of shying away from them, they stare them down and face them.
Or, we can continue to lie to ourselves. We can see the issues in our lives and tell ourselves that they are not big of a problem. We can let our friends and families tell us our faults, we'll listen and agree, but when it comes time to ante, we won't, because we won't call ourselves out to do so.
I think of going to Confession, and the extreme amounts of actual grace that that sacrament requires for us to participate in. From the moment we enter into that mortal sin, God is throwing that grace at us harder that Roger Federer's serve. But you see, it's not until we decide to be penetrated by it does it kick in.
When Charlie Sheen went on his rants earlier this year, he said that he conquered his addictions by simply changing his mind. And we all laughed. But there is truth there. You can't be helped unless you want to be helped. And you can't be called out unless you call yourself out. Question is, do you have what it takes? Will you be real with yourself, or just skate through life hoping to get by with the occasional pep talk from friends?
You need people to help you through life, and more importantly, you need grace and you need the Source from which that grace comes. But you must first be willing to accept it, to change, to open yourself up to it, to truly know yourself and recognize yourself. A painful look it is, but the beauty of pain is it means you're still alive, it's when you no longer feel pain that you find yourself six feet under in a wooden box.
"Do you love Me? Do you love Me? Do you love Me?" - Christ
I guess that growing up being told what to do, it breeds in us a crutch to have the same thing moving forward. We are told when to study, when to brush our teeth, how to dress, how to act, and the list goes on and on. We, from a young age, are told how to live.
Thus, it's only natural that when life comes knocking we begin to look around for the orders. We turn to our friends, our families, our spiritual directors, our teachers, and so on to be told what to do, and their simple response, "figure it out."
You see, we seem to enjoy being told how to act and what to do. It's easy, everybody likes easy. But to quote a brother "the hard is what makes it great."
So often in my life I find myself looking around for that order (funny enough I'm considering serving our country in the Army, at least today...) and yet we forget to think for ourselves. We forget that somehow we've weathered some tough times alone.
My brotherhood is awesome, I have an army of men willing to call me out whenever they see fit. But you see, what good is that if I cannot call myself out? There is a good rule of thumb leaders must remember, "do not ask your men to do something that you yourself are not willing to do."
Maybe we can learn from this. Maybe it's time that we stop letting other people tell us our faults. Maybe it's time people come to terms with their problems, and instead of shying away from them, they stare them down and face them.
Or, we can continue to lie to ourselves. We can see the issues in our lives and tell ourselves that they are not big of a problem. We can let our friends and families tell us our faults, we'll listen and agree, but when it comes time to ante, we won't, because we won't call ourselves out to do so.
I think of going to Confession, and the extreme amounts of actual grace that that sacrament requires for us to participate in. From the moment we enter into that mortal sin, God is throwing that grace at us harder that Roger Federer's serve. But you see, it's not until we decide to be penetrated by it does it kick in.
When Charlie Sheen went on his rants earlier this year, he said that he conquered his addictions by simply changing his mind. And we all laughed. But there is truth there. You can't be helped unless you want to be helped. And you can't be called out unless you call yourself out. Question is, do you have what it takes? Will you be real with yourself, or just skate through life hoping to get by with the occasional pep talk from friends?
You need people to help you through life, and more importantly, you need grace and you need the Source from which that grace comes. But you must first be willing to accept it, to change, to open yourself up to it, to truly know yourself and recognize yourself. A painful look it is, but the beauty of pain is it means you're still alive, it's when you no longer feel pain that you find yourself six feet under in a wooden box.
"Do you love Me? Do you love Me? Do you love Me?" - Christ
Thursday, April 28, 2011
God, Indeed, Save the Queen
Friday, the press will undoubtedly be covering the wedding of Prince William of England to Kate. Rightly so, Prince William is the heir to the throne of England, and while the role of King of England is more titular than political, the King is still an icon of England. Will the press blow the marriage out of proportion? Of course, it's the press. But instead of condemning the marriage and its coverage, I propose, no pun intended, that we pray for them instead.
If you've ever been to Europe, you know that the continent is spiraling down into an extreme depth of moral relativism and a renouncing of its Christian foundation. This is truly sad. In an effort to be more free, Europe is actually shedding its guide of what true freedom represents, its morals. The correction, if there is to be one, is in the domestic church, the family, because it is here that values are taught and nourished.
The future King and Queen, while figureheads, have the opportunity to bring marriage back into the light, to bring the family back into the light in Europe. Europe, as it stands now, is in population decline. Most children of Baby Boomer Age parents are not getting marriage, instead, they enjoy the "freedom" of promiscuity and not being tied town by children. As they do so, the Christian population is in decline while the Islamic population is on the rise.
Now, this is not a anti-Islamic rant, Christianity owes much to Muslims for their safeguarding and re-introduction of Ancient Greek and Roman texts that helped the West rebound after the Middle Ages. Islam, like Christianity, is a monotheistic religion, and it would be idiotic to say that there is not some bit of truth in the religion; something that Christians can learn from their devotion to prayer, or tithing, or devotion to their faith. There is much the two can learn religions can learn from one another, and hopefully a fullness of truth can be realized (but that fullness rests in Catholicism, just saying).
But back to the main issue, the issue of moral decline in Europe. This wedding is still a blessing from God, all marriages are. They are a sign of true love in the world, that man is not driven by a sexual urge that can only be satisfied by multiple sex partners, but rather love harnesses the urge and puts it to good, by using the urge to demonstrate true love of another. Sexual relations are meant for one, a gift to that spouse that says, "I love you so much that I am giving myself to you and you alone." (Thanks Dr. Asci)
Through this love God brings about new life, which is always a gift of life, from conception, which draws the couple deeper into love. Now the parents must love this product of their love, to cultivate it and raise it to do the same, to manifest love in the world. You see marriage itself is like the water cycle, once it's established, it will never cease to function, and as it functions, it brings about good in the world. Love is used to bring about love, moral living fosters morality. The West, not just Europe, is in need of such love right now.
I pray for William and Kate. That God blesses their marriage with true love, with children whom they love, and that through their example maybe just one person, one couple, one marriage, can be drawn into this mystery of love. Change does not require great acts, just prayer. God will work the rest, just ask him for it.
Holy Family, ora pro nobis as we strive to live Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam!
If you've ever been to Europe, you know that the continent is spiraling down into an extreme depth of moral relativism and a renouncing of its Christian foundation. This is truly sad. In an effort to be more free, Europe is actually shedding its guide of what true freedom represents, its morals. The correction, if there is to be one, is in the domestic church, the family, because it is here that values are taught and nourished.
The future King and Queen, while figureheads, have the opportunity to bring marriage back into the light, to bring the family back into the light in Europe. Europe, as it stands now, is in population decline. Most children of Baby Boomer Age parents are not getting marriage, instead, they enjoy the "freedom" of promiscuity and not being tied town by children. As they do so, the Christian population is in decline while the Islamic population is on the rise.
Now, this is not a anti-Islamic rant, Christianity owes much to Muslims for their safeguarding and re-introduction of Ancient Greek and Roman texts that helped the West rebound after the Middle Ages. Islam, like Christianity, is a monotheistic religion, and it would be idiotic to say that there is not some bit of truth in the religion; something that Christians can learn from their devotion to prayer, or tithing, or devotion to their faith. There is much the two can learn religions can learn from one another, and hopefully a fullness of truth can be realized (but that fullness rests in Catholicism, just saying).
But back to the main issue, the issue of moral decline in Europe. This wedding is still a blessing from God, all marriages are. They are a sign of true love in the world, that man is not driven by a sexual urge that can only be satisfied by multiple sex partners, but rather love harnesses the urge and puts it to good, by using the urge to demonstrate true love of another. Sexual relations are meant for one, a gift to that spouse that says, "I love you so much that I am giving myself to you and you alone." (Thanks Dr. Asci)
Through this love God brings about new life, which is always a gift of life, from conception, which draws the couple deeper into love. Now the parents must love this product of their love, to cultivate it and raise it to do the same, to manifest love in the world. You see marriage itself is like the water cycle, once it's established, it will never cease to function, and as it functions, it brings about good in the world. Love is used to bring about love, moral living fosters morality. The West, not just Europe, is in need of such love right now.
I pray for William and Kate. That God blesses their marriage with true love, with children whom they love, and that through their example maybe just one person, one couple, one marriage, can be drawn into this mystery of love. Change does not require great acts, just prayer. God will work the rest, just ask him for it.
Holy Family, ora pro nobis as we strive to live Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Love of the Game
I find myself in love with the shows E:60 and Outside the Lines. The stories they tell can be ridiculous, touching, boring, grotesque, or exciting. Every once and a while, there is that story that touches the heart, that moves you, that lets you know that the human spirit will always prevail. My words will fail to give the honor and credit due to these stories, so I will let them do the talking themselves. I hope you enjoy, and keep doing all things for His greater glory.
Josiah's Time
The Finish Line
Josiah's Time
The Finish Line
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Rule #32
There is a movie published and promoted by the USCCB regarding vocations entitled "Fishers of Men." In a line, a priest claims that "all young people have a desire to do something remarkable." There is truth to that, people, especially young people, have a desire to be remembered for something spectacular. But in our quest for the remarkable, are we forgetting the routine?
Coming back from my semester in Austria, I watched "Toy Story 3" and, to be honest, I got choked up during some of it. There is something about growing older, when the daily becomes more and more routine, that we begin to depreciate the value of the daily. The movie illustrates this perfectly. As Andy grows older and moves on with his life, he loses connection with those daily things that once brought him so much joy. Age, it would seem, brings wisdom for life, but loses appreciation of it.
When we were younger, B and I would always play sports against each other. He, being the older and more athletically inclined of us two, would normally win. Sometimes, with the help of Big Paul, I'd win one and I'd feel like the king of the world, and B would taste sweet humility. He's nearing 25 now, and I'm getting ready to graduate college. Sports are gone for us. Every now and then there will be a flicker, as there was when he and I teamed up on the frisbee field just before my surgery, of a time when he and I played sports as brothers do, and to be honest, I miss those days.
Big Paul, for as long as I can remember, has taken Fridays off from work. This usually meant he went in on Saturday mornings for a few hours, but during those Summer months, Fridays were for the three of us. We would go to AstroWorld, ride the rides, hang out in the water park, and just have fun. During school, he'd bring us McDonald's or Burger King for lunch, and in elementary school, that was awesome. And at the end of the day, instead of having to ride the school bus home, Big Paul picked us up. And the first thing he'd usually do, was give us a hug, lean in with that itchy beard and mustache of his, give us a kiss and tell us he loved us. But then age kicked in, and we get embarrassed by these things. We don't want our friends to see these interactions, for fear of being ridiculed. Our reputation began to overshadow our appreciation.
Back in my younger years, about 15 years and 150 pounds ago, I would sit in my mom's lap on her rocking chair and she'd just hold me and rock as she watched TV. See, if I did that today, I'd crush her, I blame her mashed potatoes. She gave B and I nicknames, and if someone knew that nickname, it meant we could trust them. Mom also almost always had a hand in our Little League teams, making pennants, bringing snacks, taking us out to dinner after games, and always being at our games. Her love, which is always poured out to us, seemed to take on a connotation of weakness as years were added to my age. Being a "Momma's Boy" isn't the way one wants to go through high school.
Age does these things to us. The world we live in makes us dead to life. We become more involved in the world, yet we stop truly living in it. By the grace of God, games of catch with Big Paul are replaced with having a beer with him. Mom no longer makes my Little League pennant, but she always tells me she loves me in sign language as I go through airport security. Playing sports with B, has transcended to watching sports with him, appreciating the skill of others and remembering those days of old.
The old gives way to the new. New routine things replace the old, the key is, to relish those moments. The more we begin to understand how the ordinary is truly extraordinary, then we begin to realize that those remarkable moments we long for, happen everyday. Our faith life is much the same. You see, we all desire to be saints, yet we forget that by simply living in the state of grace, we are saints. The little acts of charity that we engage in are bringing about our sanctification, but we'd rather do what we want and be accepted by "normal" standards. But you see, it's the little things, the day to day things that make us saints. It's the little things we must appreciate and cherish, because in reality, they are the remarkable things.
Coming back from my semester in Austria, I watched "Toy Story 3" and, to be honest, I got choked up during some of it. There is something about growing older, when the daily becomes more and more routine, that we begin to depreciate the value of the daily. The movie illustrates this perfectly. As Andy grows older and moves on with his life, he loses connection with those daily things that once brought him so much joy. Age, it would seem, brings wisdom for life, but loses appreciation of it.
When we were younger, B and I would always play sports against each other. He, being the older and more athletically inclined of us two, would normally win. Sometimes, with the help of Big Paul, I'd win one and I'd feel like the king of the world, and B would taste sweet humility. He's nearing 25 now, and I'm getting ready to graduate college. Sports are gone for us. Every now and then there will be a flicker, as there was when he and I teamed up on the frisbee field just before my surgery, of a time when he and I played sports as brothers do, and to be honest, I miss those days.
Big Paul, for as long as I can remember, has taken Fridays off from work. This usually meant he went in on Saturday mornings for a few hours, but during those Summer months, Fridays were for the three of us. We would go to AstroWorld, ride the rides, hang out in the water park, and just have fun. During school, he'd bring us McDonald's or Burger King for lunch, and in elementary school, that was awesome. And at the end of the day, instead of having to ride the school bus home, Big Paul picked us up. And the first thing he'd usually do, was give us a hug, lean in with that itchy beard and mustache of his, give us a kiss and tell us he loved us. But then age kicked in, and we get embarrassed by these things. We don't want our friends to see these interactions, for fear of being ridiculed. Our reputation began to overshadow our appreciation.
Back in my younger years, about 15 years and 150 pounds ago, I would sit in my mom's lap on her rocking chair and she'd just hold me and rock as she watched TV. See, if I did that today, I'd crush her, I blame her mashed potatoes. She gave B and I nicknames, and if someone knew that nickname, it meant we could trust them. Mom also almost always had a hand in our Little League teams, making pennants, bringing snacks, taking us out to dinner after games, and always being at our games. Her love, which is always poured out to us, seemed to take on a connotation of weakness as years were added to my age. Being a "Momma's Boy" isn't the way one wants to go through high school.
Age does these things to us. The world we live in makes us dead to life. We become more involved in the world, yet we stop truly living in it. By the grace of God, games of catch with Big Paul are replaced with having a beer with him. Mom no longer makes my Little League pennant, but she always tells me she loves me in sign language as I go through airport security. Playing sports with B, has transcended to watching sports with him, appreciating the skill of others and remembering those days of old.
The old gives way to the new. New routine things replace the old, the key is, to relish those moments. The more we begin to understand how the ordinary is truly extraordinary, then we begin to realize that those remarkable moments we long for, happen everyday. Our faith life is much the same. You see, we all desire to be saints, yet we forget that by simply living in the state of grace, we are saints. The little acts of charity that we engage in are bringing about our sanctification, but we'd rather do what we want and be accepted by "normal" standards. But you see, it's the little things, the day to day things that make us saints. It's the little things we must appreciate and cherish, because in reality, they are the remarkable things.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Humble Pride
I never really intended to write this often, but I guess in these early stages I have a lot to say. Don't blame me for writing it, you're the one reading it...
During this Lenten season, Catholics all around the world take an introspective look at themselves and try to find manners in which they can change, to live out their calling of holiness better. That's awesome, it's needed, and it shows a person willing to admit they are not perfect and want nothing more than to continue to strive to live for the greater glory of God.
However, I cannot help but notice that sometimes I think good Catholics take it a little too far, this desire to change. They try to lower themselves, in humility, to something subhuman. We hear often during this season of Lent about sin, about how it destroys our relationship with God, and it does. But I think sometimes we give it more power than what it actually has. In trying to bring our sin into the light, we sulk with it in the dark. You'll often hear people say, "Oh, I'm this horrible sinner, I wish I could just live holiness, but this freaking sin is killing me."
Fr. Drew, my pastor, puts it eloquently when he says that Catholics are better celebrators than we are mourners. Lent, our season of repentance, is 40 days long; Easter, the season of great rejoicing is 50 days long. Our Church Fathers, and more importantly, God Himself, call us to rejoice. So often we journey through Lent with this improper self-image of lowliness and sinfulness, we think so much of the horribleness of the Crucifixion of Christ, that we fail to put it in the proper context of the Resurrection. Death, for Lenten Catholics, stifles the light of Easter.
A very wise household brother once told me, "they are called gifts for a reason, embrace them." Admit it now, you will sin until God grants you the grace of death, and there is nothing you can do about it. Go to Reconciliation when you do, receive that help and grace, and forget about it. God has short term memory when it comes to sin, why don't we? Instead of wallowing in self-pity and this false humility of the lowly sinner, claim the gift of the Resurrection. Stop thinking, "I'm a horrible sinner; all God asks of me is love and all I do is turn away from Him." Start thinking, "If I strive to live holiness, and with the grace of God, I'll reach heaven."
There is nothing wrong with pride. There is nothing wrong with saying, "I will reach heaven. With the grace of God, overcoming this sin and living in the light can be done." You see, when we start to see how we are living out holiness in our lives, light starts to flood the soul. Those dark corners are illuminated by the light of holiness. And as the light overcomes the darkness, we see why it was dark there and how to overcome it. In order to know what darkness is, you must first know light. In order to first know what sin is, you must first know holiness. Embrace your holiness, live in that light, not the self-pity of sin, that just gives it more power than what it's due.
We are about to enter into the great Easter Triduum. Catholics will receive the Eucharist and learn our call of service on Holy Thursday, we will see our Lord die for us on Good Friday, and we will rejoice in His Resurrection and our new brethren on Resurrection Saturday evening/Sunday morning. Understand what sin does to you and the necessity of Christ's Cross, but don't wallow in it. Receive the gift of Holy Thursday, be thankful for the sacrifice of Good Friday, and rejoice in the Resurrection of Sunday. To quote a DC Talk song, "I wanna be in the light, as You are in the light. I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens." And if you find yourself wallowing in the Cross remember, that the Church does not weep in the Cross, we exalt it.
During this Lenten season, Catholics all around the world take an introspective look at themselves and try to find manners in which they can change, to live out their calling of holiness better. That's awesome, it's needed, and it shows a person willing to admit they are not perfect and want nothing more than to continue to strive to live for the greater glory of God.
However, I cannot help but notice that sometimes I think good Catholics take it a little too far, this desire to change. They try to lower themselves, in humility, to something subhuman. We hear often during this season of Lent about sin, about how it destroys our relationship with God, and it does. But I think sometimes we give it more power than what it actually has. In trying to bring our sin into the light, we sulk with it in the dark. You'll often hear people say, "Oh, I'm this horrible sinner, I wish I could just live holiness, but this freaking sin is killing me."
Fr. Drew, my pastor, puts it eloquently when he says that Catholics are better celebrators than we are mourners. Lent, our season of repentance, is 40 days long; Easter, the season of great rejoicing is 50 days long. Our Church Fathers, and more importantly, God Himself, call us to rejoice. So often we journey through Lent with this improper self-image of lowliness and sinfulness, we think so much of the horribleness of the Crucifixion of Christ, that we fail to put it in the proper context of the Resurrection. Death, for Lenten Catholics, stifles the light of Easter.
A very wise household brother once told me, "they are called gifts for a reason, embrace them." Admit it now, you will sin until God grants you the grace of death, and there is nothing you can do about it. Go to Reconciliation when you do, receive that help and grace, and forget about it. God has short term memory when it comes to sin, why don't we? Instead of wallowing in self-pity and this false humility of the lowly sinner, claim the gift of the Resurrection. Stop thinking, "I'm a horrible sinner; all God asks of me is love and all I do is turn away from Him." Start thinking, "If I strive to live holiness, and with the grace of God, I'll reach heaven."
There is nothing wrong with pride. There is nothing wrong with saying, "I will reach heaven. With the grace of God, overcoming this sin and living in the light can be done." You see, when we start to see how we are living out holiness in our lives, light starts to flood the soul. Those dark corners are illuminated by the light of holiness. And as the light overcomes the darkness, we see why it was dark there and how to overcome it. In order to know what darkness is, you must first know light. In order to first know what sin is, you must first know holiness. Embrace your holiness, live in that light, not the self-pity of sin, that just gives it more power than what it's due.
We are about to enter into the great Easter Triduum. Catholics will receive the Eucharist and learn our call of service on Holy Thursday, we will see our Lord die for us on Good Friday, and we will rejoice in His Resurrection and our new brethren on Resurrection Saturday evening/Sunday morning. Understand what sin does to you and the necessity of Christ's Cross, but don't wallow in it. Receive the gift of Holy Thursday, be thankful for the sacrifice of Good Friday, and rejoice in the Resurrection of Sunday. To quote a DC Talk song, "I wanna be in the light, as You are in the light. I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens." And if you find yourself wallowing in the Cross remember, that the Church does not weep in the Cross, we exalt it.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
That Look
Matty blogged, so I'm gonna blog. I guess it's just the cool thing to do right now.
If you're a man, then chances are you have a mother, it's science. As a man, a son, we hate to let our mother's down. Heck even Jesus didn't let His mother down, remember that whole Wedding Feast at Cana, yea He stepped up and did as He was told. There is something about making our mothers' cry that just eats away at a son's soul; deep down it makes you feel so low.
My mom and I fight a lot, we're both Hispanic, it's in our blood to be hot headed and stubborn. I recall one argument in particular, my mom was upset at my sarcasm, rightfully so, and she dropped a bombshell on me. "When the doctor told me that I may have to watch my new baby undergo open heart surgery I cried, I didn't want you to go through that." Yea, that'll hit you like a sledge hammer square in the chest. But she has a point, here is a woman who quite literally sacrifices her life for my sake, and all I give back is daily sarcasm and the occasional "I love you."
Move to this past Summer. My mom went with me, as she always has, to my appointment with my Cardiologist. It was weird, I underwent my usual ECHO, but then I had to have another, and another, and one final one. They said they couldn't get the usual good image. Then we had the consult with the Dr. Slesnick. What happened next will forever be burned into my memory. The doctor was describing that the ECHO showed some new problems they had possibly anticipated one day but were never sure would manifest. He said he wanted me to have an MRI so they could have a better idea of what was happening and make decisions from that. He hinted that open heart surgery was a possibility. At that moment I looked over at my mom and I was struck by what I saw. Her was my mother, looking back at me, fighting with all her strength to hold back tears. She smiled, and that look she had on her face said two things: 1) "I love you." 2) "I'm sorry, I didn't desire this for you, but we'll make it through."
When my doctor finally told me I would have to have surgery, I called my mom to let her know. I didn't see her face to face until later that night. I walked in, she muted the TV and in her usual voice with a hint of sorrow said, "Hey bub..." I sat there and just talked with her about what was to come. Together we both fought back tears and weakness, we were strong for each other.
Looking back on the entire event, my family was there for me every step of the way. My brother, the man I look up to more than any other in the world, told me he looked up to me in that event. My dad, who had never cried in front of me, cried as I was wheeled away for surgery, and my mom, well she stood by me literally every step of the way.
In Sacraments we talk about signs and sacraments making manifest the mysteries of the faith in a manner which human beings can understand, so that we can briefly glimpse the face of God. Well in those days, especially that instance where my Cardiologist hinted at surgery.
I was able to compare my mother to God in her reaction to my surgery. You see when we sin, when we reject the love of God, He simply looks at us, tears in His eyes and says, "I love you, and I don't desire this for you, but we'll make it through." God never leaves us, even when we want nothing to do with Him. When I would be sarcastic to my mom, when I have upset her so much she has been moved to tears, she never leaves me. Every night in the hospital she was there, at 2 AM when this painful pain medicine was racing through my veins, she was there. When I walked out of that hospital on the 23rd of December, she was there.
In the darkest valleys, and glorious peaks, God is there, saying "I love you." I pray that you all see that look one day. For that briefest of seconds, because of someone making manifest the love of God in the world, you can glimpse the face of God. Will those brief looks, those moments of actual grace prevent you from sinning, no. But they will draw you deeper into a mystery of love so that when you do sin, you see it, you hate it, you cast it aside, you look back at God and say "I love you. Thank you. And let's do this together."
Frater Momento More
If you're a man, then chances are you have a mother, it's science. As a man, a son, we hate to let our mother's down. Heck even Jesus didn't let His mother down, remember that whole Wedding Feast at Cana, yea He stepped up and did as He was told. There is something about making our mothers' cry that just eats away at a son's soul; deep down it makes you feel so low.
My mom and I fight a lot, we're both Hispanic, it's in our blood to be hot headed and stubborn. I recall one argument in particular, my mom was upset at my sarcasm, rightfully so, and she dropped a bombshell on me. "When the doctor told me that I may have to watch my new baby undergo open heart surgery I cried, I didn't want you to go through that." Yea, that'll hit you like a sledge hammer square in the chest. But she has a point, here is a woman who quite literally sacrifices her life for my sake, and all I give back is daily sarcasm and the occasional "I love you."
Move to this past Summer. My mom went with me, as she always has, to my appointment with my Cardiologist. It was weird, I underwent my usual ECHO, but then I had to have another, and another, and one final one. They said they couldn't get the usual good image. Then we had the consult with the Dr. Slesnick. What happened next will forever be burned into my memory. The doctor was describing that the ECHO showed some new problems they had possibly anticipated one day but were never sure would manifest. He said he wanted me to have an MRI so they could have a better idea of what was happening and make decisions from that. He hinted that open heart surgery was a possibility. At that moment I looked over at my mom and I was struck by what I saw. Her was my mother, looking back at me, fighting with all her strength to hold back tears. She smiled, and that look she had on her face said two things: 1) "I love you." 2) "I'm sorry, I didn't desire this for you, but we'll make it through."
When my doctor finally told me I would have to have surgery, I called my mom to let her know. I didn't see her face to face until later that night. I walked in, she muted the TV and in her usual voice with a hint of sorrow said, "Hey bub..." I sat there and just talked with her about what was to come. Together we both fought back tears and weakness, we were strong for each other.
Looking back on the entire event, my family was there for me every step of the way. My brother, the man I look up to more than any other in the world, told me he looked up to me in that event. My dad, who had never cried in front of me, cried as I was wheeled away for surgery, and my mom, well she stood by me literally every step of the way.
In Sacraments we talk about signs and sacraments making manifest the mysteries of the faith in a manner which human beings can understand, so that we can briefly glimpse the face of God. Well in those days, especially that instance where my Cardiologist hinted at surgery.
I was able to compare my mother to God in her reaction to my surgery. You see when we sin, when we reject the love of God, He simply looks at us, tears in His eyes and says, "I love you, and I don't desire this for you, but we'll make it through." God never leaves us, even when we want nothing to do with Him. When I would be sarcastic to my mom, when I have upset her so much she has been moved to tears, she never leaves me. Every night in the hospital she was there, at 2 AM when this painful pain medicine was racing through my veins, she was there. When I walked out of that hospital on the 23rd of December, she was there.
In the darkest valleys, and glorious peaks, God is there, saying "I love you." I pray that you all see that look one day. For that briefest of seconds, because of someone making manifest the love of God in the world, you can glimpse the face of God. Will those brief looks, those moments of actual grace prevent you from sinning, no. But they will draw you deeper into a mystery of love so that when you do sin, you see it, you hate it, you cast it aside, you look back at God and say "I love you. Thank you. And let's do this together."
Frater Momento More
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