Baby Steps

December 21, 2010

During my stint in the hospital for my open heart surgery, I was told that the medical staff intended to have me walking pretty much the day after surgery. I remember vividly that first walk. I still had these chest tubes sitting in my chest draining fluid from around my heart, and one of these tubes just happened to be sitting on part of my lung making breathing more difficult than what it already was. The tubes were extremely uncomfortable, tugging at my chest with every small movement. Needless to say, it sucked, not just the tubes (that's called a 'pun'), but the situation as well.

Anywho, that afternoon after I was moved from the ICU down to my own room, my nurses told me that they wanted me to walk one lap around the floor. I remember taking those steps, if you can even call them that. I was shuffling along the floor, dragging this stupid cart with me which carried my chest tube drainage thing. Each step there'd be a tug and a pull, I was hunched over trying to minimize this pain. I couldn't breathe deeply because of the discomfort from the surgery and the tube, and all in all, I was just sore. Matty walked with me, just talking and being there for me. He timed the walk and when we finished the 200m lap (give or take), he told me it took about 7 1/2 minutes.

Sometime in February, 2011

I remember my first run. I was told by my doctors to be careful and ease back into working out. Contact sports should be avoided as to prevent injuring my chest, and to not push myself. Fat chance. That first run all I could imagine was that first walk after my surgery. I thought about how I hated being told it took me 7 1/2 minutes to walk less than a quarter of a mile. Reflecting on my time in that weakened state only added fuel to my fire. I think that first run I ran about 1 1/2 miles but I was locked-in, focused, wishing to erase that first walk from my memory.

Today

As I reflected on my that first walk I realized something, baby steps. Whether it be in academics, one's faith life, dating, athletics, or anything else, we gotta start with the baby steps. Sure, we could've done great things once, but being gone from them for a while requires that childlike approach when returning to them. We have to learn things all over again. Muscles need to be re-trained, insights re-discovered, truths re-learned; and as we continue to unfold this journey again, it's quicker this time. You know the pitfalls, the trouble areas, the gopher holes, the cracks in the road.

That first walk might've taken 7 1/2 minutes, but every time after that would be quicker. Strength would return, new strength would form. Though we've walked a journey before, new lessons and gifts come from the journey each time it is revisited. Each time I walked floor 20 in Texas Childrens Hospital, it was quicker. I walked more and more, and sure enough more and more confidence came, and with confidence, knowledge. I now know how to cherish my strength because I've been weak. I now know what it means to have brothers. I now know just how freaking awesome my family is. Baby steps. To quote Daniel Ocean, "you gotta walk before you can crawl." And to quote Rusty Ryan, "reverse that."

Don't quit, and don't be afraid to take it slow. The change will come, and one day you'll be able to look back and understand where you've come from, and then you'll realize just how important those re-discovery moments were. Baby steps. Lent is nearing its completion and soon we'll enter into that glorious season we call Easter. A time when the Church would celebrate, and learn to walk on its own, step by step. Finish Lent strong, even if it means restarting it, and enter Easter prepared to walk again, even if it means shuffling your feet at first.

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam